Insecure

Back in February of this year I felt God calling me to do more in my life.  I didn’t know what it looked like but I was excited to see where God would lead.  A few weeks later, a very dear friend of mine shared a job posting on Facebook, that lead me to where I am today.  When I accepted the job as the Ekidz assistant here at Element, I very quickly felt like I had made a huge mistake.  I doubted my ability to lead, I questioned if I was a good enough person, I felt too damaged, too broken and too far away from God to help lead others to Him.

I was instantly insecure about my abilities and I compared myself to other leaders around me feeling like I would never measure up.  I started doubting my abilities, and I constantly worried that I would do or say the wrong thing.  Then over the Summer when our volunteer numbers began to dip and we struggled to have enough people to run service, I really began to question if I had made a huge mistake. 

Then something amazing happened.  God pointed out to me through a few amazing women that He is the one in control.  It didn’t matter how much I doubted or worried or stressed, God always provided exactly what we needed to get through each Sunday.  Even at our lowest when we ran an entire service on 6 people, God came through in a mighty way.  God used the faith and strength of others to show me that He had called me to exactly where I am, and God doesn’t make mistakes.

As I began to realize that God knew exactly what he was doing when he chose me, something inside of me began to change.  My connection with God began to deepen and my doubts and fears were replaced by a confidence in His ability to guide my steps.  I began to see that the lies that the devil was using to discourage me were far from the truths that God has laid out for us in his word. 

The Bible is filled with scriptures of encouragement and hope.  But I could not conquer the messages of insecurity unless I learned to depend on God to fill the places where I was lacking.  My confidence is solely dependent on my relationship with God and the understanding that where I am imperfect, weak or lacking, God will step in and fill the need.  I can be secure and confident in who I am because of who He is.

In Proverbs 3:26 (NASB) the Bible says, “The Lord will be your confidence.”  What an amazing promise!  When I feel like I am not enough, not qualified, not gifted or whatever other garbage fills my head, I can trust in God to fill the need.  If God has called me to this place then I am equipped, qualified & gifted.

If I allow fear and self-doubt to sideline and paralyze me from what God is calling me to do, then what a waste all of this would be.  We are not alone on this journey, God has prepared a path for each of us. In Galatians 1:15 Paul writes “Even before I was born, God chose me and called me by His marvelous grace.”  I can be CONFIDENT that God is at the wheel and I will no longer allow my insecurities to keep me from following where God is leading me.

Do I still worry and doubt my abilities?  Absolutely!  Every single day, but the difference is now when fear and self-doubt try to take hold, I reach out to Jesus and surrender it all to him.  

Prayer

Father, we often doubt your ability to use us.  We don’t see the gifts and talents that you have equipped us with.  I pray that when self-doubt and fear creep in and try to take hold that you would silence the negativity and give us the courage and confidence to follow where you are leading us.

As we write the mental lists of all our failures and short-comings, I pray that you would replace each one of our insecurities with your truths. Lord help us to see our value, help us to see that you have chosen each of us and that you are equipping, gifting and preparing us for something amazing. 

Lord you do not make mistakes!  You have placed each of us exactly where you need us to be, and you are equipping us to be who you need us to be.  Father our past failures, sins and disappointments have been nailed to the tree where Jesus died and they no longer have power over us. Thank you for your grace and love.