So, How is Your Faith Working for You?

Time doesn't heal all wounds, Jesus heals all wounds. - #beyondordinary

Early this week I was planning on writing about something completely different. I had it all planned and ready to sit down with my early morning cup of coffee and knock it out. But you know what they say when we make plans....God laughs.

Well, I'm sure that he is giggling this morning. So, as I was reading my morning devotional, God led me to the story of the bleeding woman. I have read it several times before but for some reason this time it was different. This time it hit me so hard that I began to cry. Not sad tears but tears of gratitude and joy.

The past 18 months have been filled with ups and downs, emotional and mental breakdowns, anxiety attacks, therapy and a whole lot of Jesus. Even though I have been on a crazy train of emotions and I never know what to expect from one moment to the next, there has been incredible healing and a restoration of hope.

I love Jesus, I have always loved Jesus. But with that love I didn't know how to trust. How to rely on him in my weakness or how to ask him for the help I so desperately needed. When I would pray, I would put on the same "everything is awesome" face that I would show to the rest of the world believing that I was somehow to insignificant to share my struggles with the one who cares about me more deeply, loves me more completely and sees me more fully then anyone else in my life.

But then I broke.

After 40 years of burying my feelings, my hurt and my guilt, it exploded like a tidal wave that nearly pulled me under. The only thing left to cling to was Jesus.

In Matthew chapter 9, we find the story of the bleeding woman. She had been suffering with constant bleeding for 12 years, and she was considered unclean, spending her life separated from the world, trapped inside her own hell of isolation and loneliness. In the past I have talked about my struggles with mental health, and like this woman I have been trapped inside my own personal hell, as I battle through thoughts and emotions that leave me in isolation and loneliness.

In verse 21 she (the bleeding woman) thought, "If I can just touch his robe I will be healed". Seriously!!! I need faith like this girl. To be filled with such faith that if I just touch the hem of his robe, I will be healed. She didn't think maybe I will be healed, no she believed I WILL BE HEALED.

When I read this, I was hit with a pretty big Jesus brick. Do I have faith like this woman? Do I believe that Jesus has the power to heal me? I know on a surface level we say that we believe Jesus can heal the friend with cancer but is it a true faith? Or are we believing in a fairy tale, a nice story that brings us comfort like Santa Claus?

Do I have faith that Jesus can heal the brokenness inside of me? The honest answer, the answer that no self-proclaiming Christian wants to admit, is no. At least not the kind of faith that this woman has. Because if I did, I wouldn't have held it back from him, tried to fix it on my own or been too afraid to allow him into my brokenness.

So why do I hold back? Why am I so afraid to let him in? As I read back through the entire story, something new stood out to me. Something that I realized is exactly why I don't surrender my brokenness. In verses 18 and 19, Jesus had been approached by a man who's daughter had just died. He was begging Jesus to come and lay his hands on her and bring her back to life. As I read this, I realized that if I were that woman, as desperate as she was to be healed, I would have used the excuse that Jesus was too busy, the man with the dead child was more important than I was.

This is the exact excuse that I always make that Jesus is too busy, too important to deal with my problem. So I just keep it to myself and try to fix it on my own. But I can't. I can't fix it without him. I need to reach out and touch the hem of Jesus.

Even though Jesus was on his way to deal with a bigger issue, to bring a dead child back to life. He was not to busy to stop what he was doing and bring hope and healing to this woman. She was just important to him as the child. Because she was not too afraid to just touch his hem, she was healed.

Jesus is not too busy for you. Yes, there are important things that Jesus is doing. Yes, Jesus has a lot of people to focus his attention on. Yes, we seem insignificant in the midst of a global pandemic and our problems seem obsolete and non-existent in comparison. But Jesus is not too busy, He doesn't care for others more, you are not a distraction and your problems are not too small to take to him. Reach out today and touch his hem.

Let's Pray:

Jesus, we ask you into the broken parts of our hearts today. We want to hear you say to us "Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well." We know that our own pride stops us from reaching out and touching your hem; from trusting that you are the mighty healer and that no problem is too small to give to you. God we ask today that we would find freedom from pride, freedom from our own insecurities, freedom from self-preservation and that we would find the courage to lay it all down at your feet. Jesus, I pray that every person reading this today would be filled with your Holy Spirit and would feel led to surrender whatever is in their life that they need healing for. For some of us, there may be medical issues that we have been struggling with, for some of us, it's anxiety, depression or other mental health issues. For some of us, it may be addictions to things that are separating us from you. Whatever it is that we need to be healed from, Jesus we lay it at your feet right now and we surrender it to you, knowing that our problems are not to small for you. Jesus, we believe in your mighty power to heal. It's in your name we pray, amen.