New Beginnings

Every end leads to a new beginning. - Unknown Author

This week marks all sorts of new beginnings in my life. As I opened up the app to write this post I realized that I haven't sat down and wrote in nearly 6 months. I could come up with a hundred excuses as to why; like I've been too busy, my family has kept me hopping, the holiday chaos, the children's ministry is in a crazy season, etc... But in all honesty, I have been avoiding anything that makes me feel venerable and writing opens my soul to the world.

So here I sit on January 7th, 3 days into the new work year, 3 days into the new role of leading our children's ministry for the unforeseen future and the 1,001st day of feeling like I am not equipped for this role the God has placed me in, and right on cue the tears are welling up in my eyes.

For weeks I have been battling with God. I was mad at the changes that were coming and I didn't want to accept them. Things finally seemed like they had found a normal rhythm. Most days felt like they were coming together like clockwork and everything seems great. At least that is what I told myself each day. But late at night when I was alone with my own thoughts without the distractions of the day, I knew that changes were coming. I knew deep down that God was preparing me for something new, that he was laying the groundwork for a new beginning, but I would quickly push those thoughts away, and pray that it wasn't true.

Why are we so afraid of change?

Why are we so afraid to go where God is leading us?

Doesn't he promise us over and over that he will protect us and that he has what is best for us, if we would just trust him?

But trust is such a scary thing. Trust means that we have to let go of our control and place it in the hands of someone else. Now I’m going to admit something that I believe a lot of us feel but are afraid to admit...trusting God means placing our lives in his hands and not our own. That we have to allow him to be the one who is in control. He is in the driver’s seat and we are not.

For someone who has a hard time trusting anyone with anything, most days this is a monumental struggle of wills. God keeps asking for control and I often give a little, then steal it right back.

So here it is a brand new year, a time where we make resolutions and commit to doing things different. But most of the time we only commit for a few weeks and then we revert to our old bad habits and hope that it will work out next time.

I refuse to make a resolution that I will break in a few weeks, this is my life and I want to be the one in control, so... I choose to trust. Trust is a choice, and I choose to trust God with all of it. With my doubts, with my fears, with my sometimes erratic emotions, with my therapy journey and most of all with our Children’s Ministry.

God has placed me in this role for this season and I will lead well until I am no longer asked to. Each day I will remind myself of the words in Psalms 56:3 “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you”. I will not be afraid because my trust is in God. I will trust that he knows what is best. I will trust because he promises that his plans are for good. I will trust because he is the one who gives hope.

I will trust because he has never given me a reason not to. He has never left me or forsaken me, so I will trust.

As you start this new year, I invite you to join me in the choice to trust God.

Prayer:

Father God,

You know every person who is reading this today. You know their fears and their personal struggles. You know how fearful we are to trust. So God today I boldly ask that you give each one of us the courage to make the choice to trust you in all of it. With the best and especially with the worst. To trust you with the parts of our lives that we are so desperate to cling to. God fill us with peace as we let go of control and choose to trust you. God thank you for new beginnings and the constant reminder that we are not alone. We love you and give you praise. - Amen.