Bandaging Wounds

Scars are a reminder of our pain and loss, but also a reminder of our healing. - Lesley DeBono

It was 4th of July, 2007, and I felt like my entire world was crashing down around me. My husband was thousands of miles away in an Iraqi desert, my children were with friends as I cared for my father who was hours away from taking his last breath, and I was all alone. I looked up at the night sky as the beautiful bursts of color lit up around me and tears streamed down my face. A day that usually held so much joy, so much pride had been tainted by grief and impending loss.

It's been 13 years since that night, but I can still feel the hollow, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach like it was yesterday. The grief is still just as real as it was that night, and every 4th of July since has been a reminder that only 57 hours later my dad took his final breath and went to be with Jesus.

For 13 years I have held on to deep grief, mourning a massive loss in my life, and constantly focusing on what my dad was missing out on. I wanted him to be a part of the celebration as my boys got their diplomas a few weeks ago, or to enjoy the chatter of my daughter sharing about her passion for speech and debate. I have missed our chats about baseball and our father/daughter coffee dates that would go on for hours. Even though these are things that I will always miss and his absence will always be felt, I have realized that I am allowing grief to steal my joy.

Because I have allowed grief to take such a strong hold of my emotions and I have focused so intently on what I have lost, I have stood in the way of God's ability to fulfill his promises to heal and restore. In Matthew 5:4 (NIV) it says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." We have all heard this verse at funerals and it's an easy one to refer to when our hearts ache, but as I was looking up this verse and looked the wording from a few other versions of the Bible the words in the Message impacted me the most. "You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." What a beautiful picture of grief and loss these words paint.

When we are in the midst of our grief we are blessed because in our grief is when Jesus is closest to us and so desperately wants to bring us the comfort that only he can bring. In Psalms 147:3 it says that "He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." No matter how hard we try, we can not heal our broken hearts on our own, we need Jesus. Think of the care and compassion that is involved in bandaging wounds...It takes a gentle touch, time, and precision to ensure that it is carefully bandaged so that it will heal properly.

This is exactly how Jesus handles us and cares for us in our grief. He gently comforts us, slowly wraps our wounded hearts with words of comfort and promises of truth. Slowly our wounds begin to heal. The pain of our loss doesn't hurt as much, the sting of our grief isn't quite so devistating, and soon we begin to realize that healing is happening.

There will always be a scar, a reminder of the pain and loss that we have experienced. But scars are a reminder of our pain and loss, but also a reminder of our healing. In the moments when that reminders of pain come back up, remember that you are being embraced by the One who is most dear to you, you are in the arms of Jesus. One day we will stand face to face with Jesus and he will "wipe away every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death, or sorrow, or crying or pain." because he promises that "all these things will be gone forever" (Revelations 21:4)

So as you fire up the grill this weekend and gather with family and friends to celebrate our nations birthday, say a prayer of thanksgiving for the healing and hope that we have in Jesus. Take comfort in the arms of Jesus and allow him to break down the walls and to bandage your wounds, find ways to focus on the joy and not the sorrow, and let freedom ring!

So, How is Your Faith Working for You?

Time doesn't heal all wounds, Jesus heals all wounds. - #beyondordinary

Early this week I was planning on writing about something completely different. I had it all planned and ready to sit down with my early morning cup of coffee and knock it out. But you know what they say when we make plans....God laughs.

Well, I'm sure that he is giggling this morning. So, as I was reading my morning devotional, God led me to the story of the bleeding woman. I have read it several times before but for some reason this time it was different. This time it hit me so hard that I began to cry. Not sad tears but tears of gratitude and joy.

The past 18 months have been filled with ups and downs, emotional and mental breakdowns, anxiety attacks, therapy and a whole lot of Jesus. Even though I have been on a crazy train of emotions and I never know what to expect from one moment to the next, there has been incredible healing and a restoration of hope.

I love Jesus, I have always loved Jesus. But with that love I didn't know how to trust. How to rely on him in my weakness or how to ask him for the help I so desperately needed. When I would pray, I would put on the same "everything is awesome" face that I would show to the rest of the world believing that I was somehow to insignificant to share my struggles with the one who cares about me more deeply, loves me more completely and sees me more fully then anyone else in my life.

But then I broke.

After 40 years of burying my feelings, my hurt and my guilt, it exploded like a tidal wave that nearly pulled me under. The only thing left to cling to was Jesus.

In Matthew chapter 9, we find the story of the bleeding woman. She had been suffering with constant bleeding for 12 years, and she was considered unclean, spending her life separated from the world, trapped inside her own hell of isolation and loneliness. In the past I have talked about my struggles with mental health, and like this woman I have been trapped inside my own personal hell, as I battle through thoughts and emotions that leave me in isolation and loneliness.

In verse 21 she (the bleeding woman) thought, "If I can just touch his robe I will be healed". Seriously!!! I need faith like this girl. To be filled with such faith that if I just touch the hem of his robe, I will be healed. She didn't think maybe I will be healed, no she believed I WILL BE HEALED.

When I read this, I was hit with a pretty big Jesus brick. Do I have faith like this woman? Do I believe that Jesus has the power to heal me? I know on a surface level we say that we believe Jesus can heal the friend with cancer but is it a true faith? Or are we believing in a fairy tale, a nice story that brings us comfort like Santa Claus?

Do I have faith that Jesus can heal the brokenness inside of me? The honest answer, the answer that no self-proclaiming Christian wants to admit, is no. At least not the kind of faith that this woman has. Because if I did, I wouldn't have held it back from him, tried to fix it on my own or been too afraid to allow him into my brokenness.

So why do I hold back? Why am I so afraid to let him in? As I read back through the entire story, something new stood out to me. Something that I realized is exactly why I don't surrender my brokenness. In verses 18 and 19, Jesus had been approached by a man who's daughter had just died. He was begging Jesus to come and lay his hands on her and bring her back to life. As I read this, I realized that if I were that woman, as desperate as she was to be healed, I would have used the excuse that Jesus was too busy, the man with the dead child was more important than I was.

This is the exact excuse that I always make that Jesus is too busy, too important to deal with my problem. So I just keep it to myself and try to fix it on my own. But I can't. I can't fix it without him. I need to reach out and touch the hem of Jesus.

Even though Jesus was on his way to deal with a bigger issue, to bring a dead child back to life. He was not to busy to stop what he was doing and bring hope and healing to this woman. She was just important to him as the child. Because she was not too afraid to just touch his hem, she was healed.

Jesus is not too busy for you. Yes, there are important things that Jesus is doing. Yes, Jesus has a lot of people to focus his attention on. Yes, we seem insignificant in the midst of a global pandemic and our problems seem obsolete and non-existent in comparison. But Jesus is not too busy, He doesn't care for others more, you are not a distraction and your problems are not too small to take to him. Reach out today and touch his hem.

Let's Pray:

Jesus, we ask you into the broken parts of our hearts today. We want to hear you say to us "Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well." We know that our own pride stops us from reaching out and touching your hem; from trusting that you are the mighty healer and that no problem is too small to give to you. God we ask today that we would find freedom from pride, freedom from our own insecurities, freedom from self-preservation and that we would find the courage to lay it all down at your feet. Jesus, I pray that every person reading this today would be filled with your Holy Spirit and would feel led to surrender whatever is in their life that they need healing for. For some of us, there may be medical issues that we have been struggling with, for some of us, it's anxiety, depression or other mental health issues. For some of us, it may be addictions to things that are separating us from you. Whatever it is that we need to be healed from, Jesus we lay it at your feet right now and we surrender it to you, knowing that our problems are not to small for you. Jesus, we believe in your mighty power to heal. It's in your name we pray, amen.

Seen

I can feel you through your lonely eyes, and I hope one day you'll understand how everything that hurt us was everything that made us who we are. - R.M. Drake

Have you ever stood in a room full of people and feel completely alone and out of place? You look around and it seems like every person has someone to talk to, to connect with and you are on the outside looking in. The walls close in and you feel like everyone is looking at you and maybe even talking about you, or worse yet, maybe no one even notices that you are even there. You try to play it cool, you busy yourself with the nearest refreshments or quickly exit to the nearest bathroom drawing out the time it takes to wash your hands or fix your hair. As you exit you scan the crowd for just one familiar face, praying that they will at least acknowledge that you are there.

I can't even begin to count the number of times that this has been my story. The anxiety and fear of not being seen is a real thing. Now my husband, the guy who has never met a stranger, is reading this and is screaming "just go talk to someone, anyone!" while the sheer thought of talking to a stranger is terrifies to me. Put me in a room full of running, jumping, screaming 3-year-olds and that is my jam. I can play and be silly, and I can't wait to carry on a conversation sitting crossed-legged on the floor; but put me in a room full of adults, and I instantly want to run and hide.

If you are extroverted, I praise God for the gifts that he has given you. I pray every day that God would give me the gift of small talk and the desire to know all the people, but I just wasn't built that way.

I'm sure that we have all had a moment where we have felt unseen. But what about those times when it feels like God doesn't see us? When we pray and pray and get no answer? When things happen in our lives and we feel like God has completely turned his back on us? I know that I have experienced my share of these times. Even recently I have felt like every ounce of strength that I have to get through the day is supernatural, I have often feel like God doesn't see the struggles and hardships that I face.

Then I read the story of Hagar in Genesis, and everything changed.

If you are not familiar with this Bible story let me fill you in...Way back near the beginning there was a guy named Abraham (he's kind of a big deal, the father of Israel and all) and he and his wife Sarah were close to 90 years old. God told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and that his decedents would be greater than all the stars in the sky. Well, I forgot to mention that Abraham and Sarah had no children. Zero. None. But God had made this promise. So Sarah, bless her 80 year old heart, thought that the only way that Abraham would have a son was for him to sleep with her servant Hagar. So Abraham agreed and he had a son with Hagar.

Fast-forward a few years, Abraham is 99 years old and once again he is told that he will have a son, but this time its with his 90 year old wife Sarah. The Bible says that when Sarah heard this she laughed. I bet she did, I would have laughed too...but she's not the focus of our story. Once Hagar became pregnant she became angry with Sarah and treated her with contempt. So Sarah began treating Hagar harshly, so harshly that Hagar ran away.

So lets hold up for just a minute. Can you imagine being in this entire situation? What a mess! But that is what happens when we rely on our own abilities instead of trusting in what God promises us. Instead of trusting his word we try to do it on our own.

Now back to the story: So here she is pregnant and alone. Hagar was wandering through the wilderness and the Angel of the Lord found her sitting by a spring. In Genesis 16:11 it says, "And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress."

This is pretty incredible to get confirmation that God hears, and if the story stopped here it would be a pretty great ending, but Hagar's response is the response that I want to have always. In verse 13 she responds, "She said, “You are the God who sees me.”"

From that time on when Hagar referred to God, she used the name el-roi which means "The God who sees me"

No matter where you are or what you are going through, God sees you. You might be in that crowded room feeling completely alone, but God sees you. When you are lying in bed crying in your pillow, God sees you. If you are on the edge, barely hanging on, God sees you.

You are not alone.

You. Are. Seen.

PRAYER:

God thank you for seeing us. In the moments when we feel completely alone, we can take heart knowing that you see us. In our moments of despair and distrust you are always there and we are never alone. God help us to find comfort and peace in your presence and help us to remember that you are "El-Roi" the God who sees us. - Amen.